Dear Rude Guy On The Train,

You really weirded me out yesterday... and I kinda think you're a douchebag.

You sat down in front of me, and I immediately smelled you. It was fart. That really isn't cool - and if you aren't going to apologize, at least look around as if to blame someone else for it...

The awful stench from your lunch had finally dissipated when an elderly woman came along looking for a seat. She kindly asked you to remove your bag from next to you so she could have the last seat available in our train car.
You refused.
Many of your fellow riders, including myself, stared at you in disbelief.
She was walking with a fucking cane man!
She just shook her head and started to walk away when another passenger gave up his seat for her.
I'm not saying that at that precise moment I wanted to cut off your balls and shove them down your throat... it may have been a few moments later that I felt like doing that.

Next, I noticed you reach for your mobile phone. I sensed that this was going to be a bad ride home...
You spoke, in your native tongue, into the phone at an audible range far too loud for use on the train. I had my headphones on, turned my music up as high as I could tolerate - but still heard every part of your conversation. This lasted nearly the entire train ride.

Just when I thought things couldn't get much more annoying, you produced a McDonald's cheeseburger and french fries from your bag.
Oh Damn you! You son of a bitch!
I watched you eye the burger and fries for almost a minute as though they may have been your last meal... You slowly unwrapped the burger and began, what appeared to be, making out with the sandwich - stopping for only a few seconds to shout something into your phone. You managed to put that burger away in the most disgusting fashion imaginable.
I'll not be eating McDonald's for a very, very long time.

As you arrived at your stop, you began packing away your things and putting on your coat and hat. While doing this you belched, then exhaled a long, exaggerated breath.

I'm neither a confrontational nor violent person, but I had the overwhelming urge to at least pull your underwear up your back and over your head, then kick you while you exited the train, sending you tumbling down the steps and onto the platform.
I'm pretty much hating you right now, and feel that you're a mostly worthless individual.

Yours Truly,
Chronically Insane