I Am A Fairy

My daughter is 6 years old and, as far as we can tell, shows signs of being not stupid. Given the fact that she was dealt an unfair hand in having me as a parent - I couldn't be prouder. I guess I feel like Forrest Gump did when he found out he had a son and that he wasn't mentally retarded.

Each year as we approach the Christmas holiday - I am increasingly annoyed by the people around her trying to convince her that Santa Claus is bringing her presents on Christmas.
I wanted nothing to do with this part of the holiday tradition as I would like to have all the credit for buying her all the fabulous toys rather than some fat, old bearded Jackass.
Yeah - my heart IS in the right place...
Well - last year she was showing signs of sniffing out the whole "Santa isn't real" thing - so I let fly with "Honey - Santa is just some creepy old German guy who drank a lot and gave kids crappy hand made gifts every year". She handled this without incident, and seemed comforted that this guy wasn't slinking around our living room while we all slept - but she did ask if she was still getting gifts...

It wasn't long after that she realized the Easter Bunny wasn't real either. I explained to her that the Easter Bunny was really just some creepy old German guy who dressed up in a bunny costume, drank a lot and gave hand painted spoiled eggs to kids he hated every year. Again - she was okay with this. (Parenting tip: whenever you are faced with potentially crushing your little child's spirit, blame some creepy old German guy who lived hundreds of years ago. It usually works.)

For some inexplicable reason, however, she insists that the Tooth Fairy really exists. This wasn't an issue until very recently, however, as she only just started losing her baby teeth a few months ago and as a result caught me off guard. I didn't have a story prepared for the first two teeth she lost, and my mother in law beat me to the punch by promising her the Tooth Fairy would bring her something really, really great if she placed her tooth under her pillow. Well - what could I do? With such short notice and hardly any preparation - I was unable to weave a tale of how some drunk old German guy used to sneak into childrens' bedrooms and feel around under their pillows for missing teeth while they slept, and then leave them money... And besides - that would just give my baby girl nightmares!

For her first tooth I ran out after she had gone to bed and bought her a DVD. This was a hit, and I felt I had made up a little for possibly cheating her of fully enjoying the Santa Claus and Easter Bunny experience. Her second tooth was rewarded with a $10 gift card to Target. Her response to this was -
"Why does the Tooth Fairy shop at Target?" I told her to not question the Tooth Fairy because she knows whether you've been good or bad, or a little smart ass...

Well - last week, Girl announced to the family that she had another loose tooth and this time it was a front one. This was HUGE! Unfortunately - I hadn't the heart to let her in on the Tooth Fairy lie yet- so I just let it roll...
The tooth came out on Saturday (thanks to a little coaxing from yours truly) and she immediately took to washing the tooth and prepping it for the Tooth Fairy. As we put her to bed - I realized that I had forgotten about the tooth. She ran to the kitchen, placed the tooth in a plastic baggy ,to seal in the freshness I guess, and placed it under her pillow.
I kissed her goodnight, and immediately started searching the premises for a "front tooth-worthy reward". It was cold out, and late and I was exhausted - so I really didn't feel like going to the store to buy anything. Mrs. Chronically Insane and I managed to scrounge up $3 and decided that would have to suffice. I waited about an hour then quietly went to retrieve the tooth - which is no easy task in an 80 year old house with floor boards that squeak with every step you take. I reached under the pillow, but couldn't find the tooth. I reached a little farther - and still no tooth. Finally I pushed my arm all the way under the pillow forcing Girl's head to roll forward and grabbed the elusive tooth.

Fortunately - Girl sleeps like a brick - and was none the wiser to what was happening even with all the racket I was creating. After 5 minutes of fumbling in the dark with the stupid plastic bag, I managed to place the $3 in the bag and place it back under her pillow. In the morning - Girl rushed to our bedroom holding the plastic bag. "Well - all she gave me was $3 this time" she exclaimed, "I thought I might have gotten another DVD - but I guess not."

I saw the disappointment in her eyes and heard the sadness in her voice. I knew that this charade had gone on long enough. It was time to suck it up and tell her the truth.

"Well Honey, you see - there is this creepy old German guy..."